Guys Who Suck and the Women Who Date, Get Engaged, Dumped, and Publicly Humiliated by Them

Otherwise known as The Bachelor. Meet Jason Mesnick. He's a 32-year-old single father to an adorable 3-year-old boy named Ty who likes to play golf. Jason may seem like he has the charmed life but in reality, after two failed romances, his heart has been broken way too many times and thus is looking for love on a reality television show. The 13th season of The Bachelor ended on Monday and of course, (melo)drama ensued. I tried to keep track of the number of shots of Jason staring aimlessly out into the New Zealand sunset, but alas, lost count.

As a former employee/intern of The Mouse, I have to give ABC/the producers credit...they sure know how to extend a narrative. Did you think it was over once Jason dumped Molly and proposed to a joyful Melissa? Oh no. There was much more. The show reached new depths of messy reality splendor during the After the Final Rose special. Turns out, Jason made a mistake. He's actually--GASP--in love with Molly instead! And what better way to tell Melissa how he's feeling than on national television! I felt like I was watching that scene in Hope Floats only without good actors like Sandra Bullock. Here's how it basically went down:

Chris Harrison: Tonight on a very special After the Final Rose we have closed the set down from an audience out of respect for all persons involved in this situation.

(Chris says this as he proceeds to intently stare awkwardly at Jason break up with Melissa)

Jason: You know things have been different between us since the end of the show.

Melissa: .....

Jason: And I just feel like we're not right for each other.

Melissa: .....

Chris (For clarification purposes): So Jason what you're saying is that you want to break up with Melissa and try to build a relationship with Molly.

Jason: Yes.

Melissa: ......

(Chris finally excuses himself to "let them talk alone.")

So then like any woman would, Melissa gets angry and wants to know what happened and why Jason won't "fight" for her and their relationship to which Jason gives no semblance of a lucid response. She stalks off to the limo waiting for her and breaks down crying, convinced that something is "wrong" with her. Back in the studio, Molly and Jason reunite for supposedly the first time since he dumped her.

Jason: I made a mistake. I should have chosen you. Wanna go out for coffee sometime?

Molly (feigning awe at this sudden turn of events): Ummm...I guess that would be ok? Okay!

And everyone lets out a romantic sigh because ya know, Jason was following his heart. Or not. I tried to find some type of silver lining in my obsession with this show but then realized that I, like the 25 girls who thought they would find love on television, am a masochist. In what bizarre world do we live in (besides the one where the Crocodile Hunter gets killed by a stingray) where women continually humiliate themselves in the name of "love" for a man? Don't answer that. It happens to the best of us but it still baffles me. Now 24-year-old Molly will uproot her life and career to play husband and stepmom in a relationship that will most likely end very quickly and badly. Maybe I'm being a pessimist. But ask yourself why a good-looking real estate agent with a son would go on a show to find love when he could probably find it in the Starbucks around the corner and your answer might be 1.)He's a fame-whore 2.)He's an idiot or 3.) He's an idiot fame-whore.

I'm going with #3. Melissa--even though the show and Jason screwed you over, your freedom was the best prize you could've received. Congratulations!